Divorce is one of life’s most intense upheavals, and no matter how prepared you think you are, there are always lessons learned along the way. Hindsight is a powerful thing, and for many who’ve been through divorce, there are things they wish they had known beforehand. If you’re starting this journey, here are reflections from someone who’s been through it—what they wish they’d known and what they’d do differently.

1. It’s not just a legal process— it’s an emotional journey

“I thought divorce was about signing papers and dividing assets. I didn’t realise how much emotional work it would take to rebuild myself”

Divorce isn’t just about ending a legal relationship, it’s about untangling your life from someone else’s. Grieving the loss of your marriage, facing uncertainties about the future, and redefining your identity are significant emotional tasks. Seeking therapy or counselling early on can help you process these feelings and develop tools to cope.

2. Communication can make or break the process

"I wish I had approached conversations with less emotion and more focus on solutions"

High-conflict communication can escalate costs, prolong proceedings, and strain relationships further. Keeping discussions respectful and focused on practical solutions—especially when children are involved—can make the process smoother. If direct communication is too difficult, consider mediation or using written communication tools.

3. Your children are watching and learning

"I underestimated how much my kids absorbed, even when I thought I was shielding them"

Children are deeply affected by divorce, even when they don’t show it. If you have children, prioritise their emotional well-being by maintaining stability and avoiding negative talk about your ex-partner. Demonstrating cooperation and respect teaches them resilience and healthy conflict resolution.

4. Understand your finances—really understand them

"I always trusted my husband to look after our families' financial affairs, I had no idea how to budget. I didn’t realise how much I’d need to know about our finances until it was too late."

Before divorce proceedings begin, take the time to fully understand your financial situation. Gather documents related to income, expenses, assets, and debts. Having a clear picture of your finances ensures you’re prepared to negotiate property settlements and secure your financial future.

5. Compromise is not defeat

"I thought I needed to fight for everything to come out ahead, but compromise gave me peace and closure"

Divorce often requires compromise. Holding out for a perfect outcome can prolong the process and increase emotional and financial costs. Focus on reaching fair agreements that allow both parties to move forward rather than trying to win every battle.

6. Legal advice is essential, but so Is emotional support

"I leaned on my lawyer for everything at first, but I learned that having a support network made a huge difference"

While your lawyer is there to handle the legal aspects of your divorce, they’re not a substitute for emotional support. Build a network of friends, family, and a counsellor to help you navigate the emotional toll of divorce. Having the right people in your corner can lighten the load.

7. Life after divorce can be a new beginning

"I was terrified of being on my own, but I found strengths I never knew I had.It’s been a long journey to separate myself from who I identifiedwhile I was married and become my own person again.”

Divorce is an ending, but it’s also a beginning. Many people discover a newfound sense of freedom, confidence, and clarity after moving on from an unhealthy or unfulfilling marriage. Embrace this opportunity to rebuild your life on your terms.

Tips if you're starting the process

If you’re at the beginning of your divorce journey, here’s some practical advice from someone who’s been there:

• Start organising early: Gather documents, track expenses, and list assets and debts.
• Find the right lawyer: Choose someone who aligns with your goals and values.
• Take care of yourself: Prioritise self-care to manage stress and stay focused.
• Keep the bigger picture in mind: Focus on resolution rather than revenge.
• Prepare for the unexpected: Be flexible and ready to adapt to changes along the way.

How Parker Coles Curtis can help

At Parker Coles Curtis, we understand that divorce is more than a legal process—it’s a personal journey. Our experienced family lawyers provide:

• Tailored advice: Helping you understand your rights and options.
• Compassionate guidance: Supporting you through every step of the process.
• Practical solutions: Prioritising outcomes that allow you to move forward with confidence.

Divorce is a challenging experience, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and renewal. By learning from those who’ve been through it before, you can approach the process with greater clarity and confidence. At Parker Coles Curtis, we’re here to guide you through the legal complexities and support you as you build the next chapter of your life.